Got your letter. It was very good. And while I'm sure you'd like to think I'll take it under advisement, I think we both know that's not gonna happen.
Honestly, I really only have one thing to ask: Scared yet?
Well, then let's recap. Since my tremendous victory in an election so easy to win I even got to say "pussy" during my campaign, I have selected some very great people to my administration.
Let's start with Steve Bannon. I know, America, I know. I said I'd drain the swamp and then I hire a former Goldman Sachs investment banker. But listen, he once said this about the women's movement: "That's one of the unintended consequences of the women's liberation movement—that, in fact, the women that would lead this country would be feminine, they would be pro-family, they would have husbands, they would love their children. They wouldn't be a bunch of dykes that came from the 7 Sisters schools up in New England." That's the kind of rhetoric I can get behind. His nasty ex-wife, Louise Piccard, accused him of being an antisemite. But what does she know? She's a woman for God's sake! Plus, he's a propagandaist just like me. In a 2010 interview, he said: "Fear is a good thing. Fear is going to lead you to take action." Even David Duke said it was an "excellent" pick!
My new National Security Advisor, Michael Flynn, also upholds the fear mongering ideals I'm very keen on. Plus, he uses Twitter! How could I not pick the guy? Back in August, Flynn tweeted: "Fear of Islam is RATIONAL: please forward this to others: the truth fears no questions..." His blanket racism is not only an asset to my administration, but a useful tool in weeding out tons and tons of unwanted immigrants.
Who's next? Ah, yes, Jeff Sessions! My new Attorney General. This cat is a great man. Even though he was denied federal judgeship by a Senate Judiciary Committee because of racist remarks, and even though he said he thought the KKK was "O.K.” until he found out they smoked pot, and even though he scoffs at women's rights, the guy is all for mass deportation of Muslims! That's exactly what I said I'd do in my campaign! We're made for each other. Two peas, one pod, am I right?
America, in your letter you said you'd like me to place an emphasis on education. Who better to do that than Betsy DeVos—a Michigan billionaire and conservative activist—as my Education Secretary? This woman is perfect since she has such little understanding of the foul beast that is public education. According to Kary Moss, executive director of the ACLU (whatever that is), Betsy has "been a staunch proponent of school vouchers and supported unlimited, unregulated growth of charter schools." Betsy even agrees to back my plan to use $20 billion of federal funds for block grants to states to support the use of vouchers. And, with any luck, she'll completely get rid of the $15 billion allocated to Title I—the federal program designed to provide equal access to primary and secondary educations—a Title that greatly benefits children living in poverty. How cool is that? Talk about cutting the fat! Now, I know what you may be thinking, school vouchers just divert tax-payer dollars into private and parochial schools, and that there's really little to no evidence to support the claim that charter schools educate children better than public schools, but at least I picked a woman to my administration! It's time to start giving me some credit, America.
My pick for CIA director, Mike Pompeo, is a solid Tea Party Republican supported by the Koch Brothers. My pick for Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Ben Carson, used to be a neurosurgeon, so he's got to be smart at supporting urban development. Although, to be fair, nobody supports urban development more than me. Or housing for that matter. I support it greatly.
And just this morning I picked Tom Price as my Health Secretary. We'll stand side by side and dismantle Obamacare as soon as I take office. He's absolutely against abortions and wants to cut off funding to any clinic that performs them. Birth control covered under insurance? WE DON'T THINK SO. What will Women's Rights be when they have no rights? Women Wrong is more like it, am I right. Honestly, though, Tom is tremendous. After all, who really needs programs like Medicare and Medicaid, not to mention Planned Parenthood? As rich, privileged, white men: we certainly don't.
So, I'll ask again, America: Scared yet?
I'm sure I can expect another long-winded retort very soon. Toodles for now.
Donald J. Trump
(This letter originally appeared on Pecorino & Eggs on November 29, 2016 under the title “Scared Yet?”)